Training for a marathon taught me so many life skills. I am a stronger person because of that experience – stronger mentally, physically, and spiritually. I learned that taking small things and adding to them can make you stronger and help you reach your goals.
Raising a special needs child is like a lifelong marathon. I know that if I do all I can do, Christ makes up the difference. He is making up the difference for me [and] giving me the strength to continue on every day.
Cheryl is a mother of four, and she has three grandchildren with one on the way. She enjoys being active, including running, biking, hiking, and being outdoors. She loves being with family any chance she can, whether it’s just with her husband or her entire family.
What are some experiences that have helped you develop endurance?
First and foremost, having a special needs child has helped me develop endurance. It has taught me how to be strong and how to be able to handle difficult situations, even through lack of sleep and exhaustion. Jake is now twenty but still needs so much care and attention. I just have to muscle through the fatigue and do the things I need to do to take care of him because he can’t take care of himself.
Becoming a parent in general has taught me how to endure because kids are so dependent at first. A lot of times with parenting I was in survival mode. It was hard trying to get to all the things I needed to. When my son was first diagnosed it was a lot of survival mode, especially because all my kids were young. But over the years, it has become easier. My other kids became independent, and even though my youngest will always be at home, he has also become easier to care for.
Organization has been a huge part of helping me endure. I have always tried to plan ahead because it helps me prepare for and handle things that are coming up. I write down lists and goals because it helps me focus on the one thing I’m working on rather than getting distracted by other things that need to get done. Being organized with my time has helped me get more done during the day while my son is at school so that I can focus on taking care of him when he gets home.
One of the biggest things that has taught me about endurance, and especially helped me be able to handle the challenges of parenting a special needs child, is getting out and exercising. I understood a whole new meaning to endurance as I started training for a marathon. I had to start in small increments and build up to 26 miles. I remember the first time I ran I was only able to do a block, and then each time I went out I would make myself run just a little bit farther. Before I knew it I was running a mile and then a couple more miles without a problem. I started with baby steps and small increments and slowly built up to running farther and becoming stronger. I feel like learning to do those things has benefited every aspect of my life. Training for a marathon taught me so many life skills. I am a stronger person because of that experience — stronger mentally, physically, and spiritually. I learned that taking small things and adding to them can make you stronger and help you reach your goals.
When I finally made it to the marathon and was running toward my goal, I was so sore. The bottoms of my feet hurt, my legs were tired, and my muscles started cramping up. But I trained with a good friend and ran the whole way with her. We were each other’s strength when we needed it and had each other to rely on the whole way. She would be encouraging when I was slowing down, and then I’d be able to do the same for her when I was feeling strong and she was the one struggling. I feel like that with my husband in our daily lives. I have him to help me through the “marathon” of raising a special needs child. Of course we had each other as we raised all our kids, but because Jake’s needs are so high, we need to rely on each other even more. We have to put in extra effort to communicate and tag team so we can buoy each other up when the other person is struggling. Especially when Jake was first diagnosed, I’d have my moments of despair and my husband would assure me it was all going to be okay. Then a few days later he’d be the one feeling down and I’d be the one telling him we could do it. That’s what’s so great about families and having parents who are equal partners that rely on each other. Raising a special needs child is like a lifelong marathon. It’s too hard alone, and I’m so grateful for my husband who is with me every step of the way.
We have also been blessed with so much help from others. It was challenging to accept help from people outside our family at first. But we learned the importance of accepting help so we had the chance to go out on dates and do things that kept our marriage strong. I didn’t want to put anyone out, but learned that so many people sincerely wanted to serve. Over time we’ve allowed and sought out help, and it has not only given others the opportunity to serve, but also the opportunity to come to love Jake.
How has developing endurance taught you more about Christ or brought you closer to Him?
Christ showed a great example of endurance. He was able to endure so many challenging things while being a kind and perfect person through it all. One thing that has made me closer to Him is realizing that it’s through grace that I’m able to do all that is required of me. There was a time when people would say, “How do you do it?” or “How do you handle it all and just keep going every day?” At first I would think “I don’t know how I do it,” and then I realized that it was through the grace of our Savior. I came to understand that if I do all I can do, He makes up the difference. I truly believe that with all my heart. When I step back I think “of course I know how I’m able to do this – it’s through our Savior.” He helps me; He makes me strong; He makes it so I can keep going every day; and He helps me know that there’s a happy ending in all of this. I’m not saying I have to wait until an “ending” to feel happy, but He has helped me see how happy I am NOW and that I have a great life. Christ is making up the difference for me every day. He’s giving me the strength to continue on every day.
How has developing endurance blessed your life?
Jake’s challenge has given me a strength I didn’t know I had in me. Every once in a while I get a tender mercy through him; every once in a while he stops and gives me a hug or kiss and lets me know he’s very aware of what I’m doing for him and that he appreciates me. I get a glimpse of the next life and the kind of person he’ll be. Those sweet moments help me think “okay, I’m alright; I can keep going.”
I know that Jake had a big part in the pre-mortal life and that through his disability he’s being protected from the adversary. I believe, and it helps me to believe, that there is a reason Jake had to be in this body on earth; he had to be given a place where he could remain in a childlike state and not be susceptible to the influences of evil. I know that in the next life he’ll be someone who is amazing and well respected. You can tell that his spirit is and always has been so special. He has a childlike love, but his spirit is older and stronger. When we die and are resurrected with perfect bodies, Jake won’t have a disability. He’ll be able to tell me thank you and that he loves me. I know that enduring all the challenges of raising him in this earth life will be more than worth it.
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