When someone is hurting, my task as a disciple of Christ is to learn to respond the way he would. To love. To show unconditional compassion. I don’t have to understand someone else’s point of view in order to treat them with kindness.
I see them everywhere. Scattered on the floor. Strewn across the kitchen table. Stuffed into the couch cushions. No matter how many times I pick them up and no matter how many times I hide the first aid kit…I see Band-Aid wrappers. Everywhere. All the time. With my oldest, it was sticky notes. She would scribble on them and stick them around the house. And on herself. With my youngest, though, it is Band-Aids.
When he came to me a few days ago, with a dramatic grimace and a slight limp, I asked him, “What’s the matter?”
He replied in a sad, four-year-old voice, “I need a Band-Aid.”
“For what? Show me.”
He held up his leg, “For my foot.”
All I could see was a tiny, faint pink mark the size of a dime. The skin was intact. No blood. Definitely not Band-Aid worthy. “No,” I told him, “you don’t need a Band-Aid for that little owie.”
He threw his head back and argued, “But Mom, it hurts me!”
It hurts me.
I stopped what I was doing and then came this thought: Who am I to tell my son that he isn’t is hurt? Or that he doesn’t need comfort? Who am I to judge whether or not ANYONE is hurting?
Comforting Those Who Stand in Need
We read in Mosiah 18:8-9 that those wanting to be called God’s people “are willing to bear one another’s burdens, that they may be light; Yea, and are willing to mourn with those that mourn; yea, and comfort those that stand in need of comfort.” The scriptures don’t teach us to mourn with those that mourn, as long as we agree with their life choices. They don’t teach us to comfort those who stand in need of comfort, as long as we believe they actually need it or as long as we understand why they are upset. Suffering is suffering, no matter what our own opinions or beliefs might be.
Over the years I have seen family members and friends who have been hurt by what someone said or did in a family situation, a work situation, in a neighborhood or other social setting. I have also seen loved ones hurt by a church doctrine, policy or practice. Because I haven’t been hurt by those same things, I haven’t understood the pain. Sometimes, because I haven’t understood the pain, I have also not been sympathetic. Too often my instinct has been to defend those doctrines, policies, practices or people or to minimize the situation. But here’s the thing I have to continually remind myself: We are here on this earth with one goal–to become more like our Heavenly Father by following the example of Jesus Christ.
When someone is hurting, my task as a disciple of Christ is to learn to respond the way he would. To love. To show compassion. I don’t have to understand someone else’s point of view in order to treat them with kindness. I don’t have to agree with them before I can say, “I am sorry you have felt angry or sad or frustrated about this.” As I’ve tried to put this principle into practice, I’ve observed that the acknowledgment of someone’s feelings followed by simple, active listening can go a long way to help soothe a wounded soul. Interestingly, this kind of compassionate way of being has benefits for the one who needs comfort as well as for the one who is offering comfort.
Blessings of Compassion
I love this promise from Dieter F. Uchtdorf: “As we extend our hands and hearts toward others in Christlike love, something wonderful happens to us. Our own spirits become healed, more refined, and stronger. We become happier, more peaceful, and more receptive to the whisperings of the Holy Spirit.”
Let’s be the kind of disciples who freely give spiritual and emotional “Band-Aids.” When someone asks for one, give them a squeeze and say, “Of course you can have one! I am sorry you are hurting.” And really, isn’t that exactly what you will want to hear when YOU are the one asking?
Invitation: The next time someone expresses some kind of hurt (this could be a friend, family member, co-worker, even a stranger who posts something online), open your heart, allow them to feel and express their feelings without judgment. Pray for an increase of love and Christ will help you to respond compassionately, just as he would.
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Photo: Xavier Mouton on Unsplash
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